This week, I want to share with you two things: A habit I’ve developed that might help you, and a conversation I had that shows what happens when you listen to opportunities for connection. The conversation was great, and the habit has probably saved me from being an asshole dozens of times in the past few months.
First the habit.
It’s when I’m scrolling YouTube, Bluesky or Reddit, and see something that prompts me to start typing a response. Sometimes I get three sentences in. Sometimes I write a whole paragraph. And then a small moment happens.
I don’t know why, but I’ll stop. I’ll think about coming back later because it’s just not quite what I want to say or something. I start to close it. And that’s when my new favorite button on the Internet shows up: “Save Draft” or “Discard.”
I almost always click “Discard.”
Because in that little moment, I ask myself a few questions:
Am I giving this person or topic energy they don’t deserve?
Most internet arguments, for example, aren’t with people who want real dialogue. They’re with people who want to be right, to perform for the others in the app, or just to get a reaction. Why am I volunteering my energy for that?
Is this adding anything to the world?
Ninety-nine percent of the responses I almost post are just noise. Me venting. They’re not helpful. They’re not constructive. They prove nothing.
What story am I reinforcing by posting this?
This is a big one. When I vent, I’m not just expressing irritation, I’m feeding a narrative. “People are idiots.” “This asshole needs to be put in his place.” Every time I engage with that energy, I make it stronger.
So I discard it. This is literal and metaphorical for me.
What started as a practical way to avoid feeding trolls or amping up negative energy is now a mental model for negative emotions in general.
Someone cuts me off in traffic and I feel that spike of anger? Notice it. Discard it.
I catch myself building a resentment about someone? Acknowledge it. Discard it.
I’m not suppressing emotions or pretending they don’t exist. I’m noticing them, examining them briefly, understanding the source of them, and then choosing not to keep them around. No, I don’t choose to “come back and finish” this comment as the little button on Reddit offers. I want to be done with it now. Yes, the feeling happened. I felt it. And now I’m throwing it away.
The manosphere is full of people who will tell you that what’s needed is to assert dominance or some other bullshit. I don’t buy it. Because when you submit to these emotions, you’re not really in control. You’re allowing someone else or some old feeling you had to be in charge, really.
I’m not saying, “Let it go” or “Don’t take it personally.” How do you just not take something personally when it feels personal? But “discard”? That’s an action. A choice I make for me. My experience is that I feel better than if I clicked “post” or “save.”
I’ve written before about catching your own stories before they turn into resentment. About the difference between feeling irritated and letting that irritation write a narrative that doesn’t help you.
You can’t control feeling irritated when someone on the internet says something stupid. You can’t control the spike of anger when someone cuts you off. Those feelings arrive whether you want them or not.
But you can choose what you do with them. You can let them control you and spin into other outcomes that don’t help you. Or you can notice them, acknowledge them, and discard them.
Try it.
The Conversation
As you may remember from my embarrassing admission, I’ve been working to be more open to opportunities to connect with other men. One popped into my email this week.
See, I subscribe to a newsletter by Cole Townsend called Running Supply. He covers the intersection of running and the fashion industry. I really enjoy it, and I recommend it. In this edition I read, he said he had time to kill and offered a Google meet connection to readers who signed up. Something about that hit my Connection antennae and I signed up.
I had a truly delightful conversation with Cole! He explained to me some things I really didn’t understand about some of the high-end running apparel companies out there and what they’re doing with their products. I’ve always considered myself fairly well-informed about running apparel, but it occurred to me that in the last decade that I really didn’t “get” what was going on. And there’s been a noticeable boom in the number of designers and companies out there creating new stuff with a definite story to tell.
We also talked about shoes and his work life. I left the conversation energized by what I learned and by his work. I’m really glad I listened to that little part of me that said, “Connect with this guy.” I learned something, I got positive energy, and he even encouraged me to put this newsletter on a platform that will help it grow.
Cole, you bet I will do that. Thank you for offering the time to your readers. I hope we chat again!
I hope these examples of how I’m working on myself will help you. Or share this post with someone you know who might see that good things come from efforts to change.
Coming soon, an update on my 2026 running goals, and some reflections on our roles in the empowerment of women.