This past weekend, I ran 10 miles on Satuday and 10 miles on Sunday. Same distance and effort level, but very different experiences. The difference was who I was running with and how I showed up, and what that made me think about.
Saturday, I met up with the speedy runners who I just happened across a couple of weeks ago. As I shared previously, I overcame some old conditioning to deflect connection when the one asked to connect for a run as soon as we met. I felt I was not at a high enough talent level, but it turned out that while he’s a former pro track athlete, he had only recently returned to running after some time off. We were joined by the same young collegiate woman he was running with when I met him. Three runners from vastly different backgrounds and stages of life.
I had such a great time. I tucked in behind them, drafting as they ran side-by-side. I mostly listened, speaking only when I felt I had something truly worth contributing. They certainly made me feel included, even though their running experiences are more alike than mine. They both talked about their career goals and their (mostly negative) experiences in the online dating world. It enjoyed hearing them share.
Sunday, I ran with a guy I’ve known for several years. Our kids are friends and so our families became friendly, too. On this run, I got to the end and, I dunno what it was, but I realized I had dominated the conversation.
Both runs were 10 miles long. They were both about the same degree of difficulty. The only difference between them was the people I was running with.
So, why do I think I yapped nonstop during one and was more reserved in the other?
I think I was simply more mindful of how I came across to the new acquaintances in a way that I haven’t always been in the past. I’m not trying to be seen as perfect. But I do think being more mindful slowed me down and made me more deliberate with them, whereas on Sunday, I used my friend as a sounding board.
I know that real connection means being as interested in the other person as you want them to be in you. And I’m not alone in this behavior. Stronger connections are a huge problem for a lot of men. And that isolation makes us susceptible to toxic influences, whereas research shows social relationships can improve our mental and physical health well into old age.
I’m going to be more mindful when I’m running with people both new and familiar. People deserve better than autopilot Frank. And I hope that deepens the connections I am trying to build.
When do you show up most mindfully and how do you know this? Click through and leave a comment.
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