Welcome to my newsletter! I’ve been thinking about it for months. This first post kicks off what I hope will be many opportunities to help myself and others become better men.
You might know me as the guy who’s coached your kid in middle school track. Or maybe I coached you to a qualifying time for the Boston Marathon. Or maybe you found me through our relationship to running, professional links, or because we’re friends. And if we’re not friends, I would like to leave open the possibility. As you’ll eventually learn, that’s part of what this is about.
Either way, I hope what you find resonates with you.
Why? What’s the Point?
I’m doing this for a lot of reasons that I’ll get into in future newsletters. But the upshot is making a public effort to be better creates a certain kind of accountability. And I think I need that.
I’m going to be writing a lot about being a male in the society we live in at this moment in time. I’m going to work through what I think I owe to myself. And by extension, what I think we men might owe each other, our families, our loved ones, our communities.
You’ve probably seen or heard things about a “male loneliness epidemic.” And you might also have heard about the backlash to the very notion of it. Women are tired of “mankeeping,” for example. And there’s some debate about whether the epidemic is a myth, or if it’s genderless. I’m inclined to think a lot of people, regardless of gender, are feeling disconnected these days. But I can only speak from my own experience, so that’s what I’ll do.
I’ve also noticed some troubling things about my fellow men.
We commit the vast majority of crimes. We commit more violent crimes. We commit most of the sexual assaults. We’re also more often the victim of crime. We die younger. We commit 3/4ths of suicides. We make up more than 2/3rds of the homeless. We’re less likely to enroll in college or graduate. Hell, we even get in more car accidents and die from them.
I think these issues are often exacerbated by “traditional” norms that discourage men from seeking help and forming deep emotional bonds, creating a cycle of isolation and negative outcomes. There’s a phrase: “toxic masculinity.” I don’t think it’s helpful how some people use it as a cudgel against men in general. But I do think it’s undeniable that men are often toxic to themselves (and others) if you look at the stats I cited above.
I don’t want to be like that. I certainly don’t intend to die young or alone. But I also think there’s not a lot in the zeitgeist supporting men who are going against this grain that isn’t rooted in religion or some kind of self-promotion to sell books or something. So, I’m trying this newsletter to create that something in the zeitgeist that supports others.
What This is About
To give myself some structure, I’m using four core pillars to examine this idea (and myself): Connect, Challenge, Care, Commit.
Connect is to build real relationships. The goal is to uplift one another.
Challenge is to embrace difficulty as a path toward growth.
Care is about taking responsibility for my own well-being and extending that care to others.
Commit is about showing up consistently. It might be in small ways. But the idea is to do it, repeat it, and learn to make it a habit. Especially a habit that replaces old habits and tired ways of doing things and thinking about things that aren’t really working for you.
What You Can Expect
Every week, I’ll share my reflections as a guy trying to figure things out. Often, but not always, I’ll connect it to running because running has been a laboratory for a lot of life lessons. Sometimes, it’ll be about friendship, work, an item in the news, relationships or just the daily work of trying to be a better human. This is an exercise in helping myself and hopefully others. These things are sometimes messy, and that’s OK.
I will sometimes curate resources that I think are worth your time. Could be a book, an article, podcast or something else. When I gather enough resources, I’ll try to expand the site to add a spot for them to live in one place. But what you won’t find is marketing or me selling you stuff. This is an honest effort to improve my relationship with myself and to connect and uplift others in the process.
What’s Next
Next newsletter I will dive into the pillars, what they mean and how I’m approaching them. Sometimes I’ll share stories or ideas. Sometimes I’ll ask for advice. Sometimes, I probably won’t know until my fingers hit the keyboard. And that’s OK, too.
Starting anything new feels like training for a race you’ve never run before. You’re not sure of the pace, the distance might be longer than you think, but you know the only way to find out is to take that first step.
Thank you for coming with me. I appreciate it. We’ll see how far we get.
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