Challenge: Embracing the Suck
Each spring I’m heard frequently saying, “Embrace the suck.”
That’s what I tell my middle school track athletes when I want them to push just a little harder or test their limits. It’s also what I learned to tell myself somewhere around my 6th marathon, when I finally understood that discomfort wasn’t my enemy, it was my teacher.
Over 27 marathons and three 50-mile runs, I’ve had a ton of uncomfortable moments. One that stands out was the 50-miler where I ran a pretty respectable 8:10:08, but ended up with rhabdomyolysis, a condition where your muscles literally break down from overuse. Not my smartest day, but it taught me something about the difference between discomfort and actual harm.
Running long distance has shown me is that discomfort is temporary feedback. Pain is your body’s alarm system. Discomfort says “this is hard, I’m not sure I can do this.” Pain says “stop now or risk real damage.” Learning to distinguish between the two might be one of the most valuable skills you can develop, in running and in life.
When I coach middle schoolers, I watch a lot of them find discomfort during a hard workout for the first time in their lives. The discomfort is “the suck.” For many, their immediate instinct is to quit. I try to coach them to “Let that discomfort in. Feel it. Experience it. Let it wash over you and see what happens.” That’s embracing it.
To be clear, it’s not because I think middle school kids should behave like Navy Seals who are famously told to “embrace the suck.” I use the phrase because it gets the attention of early teens. And when they’re paying attention, I can share the explainer: I’ve learned that “the suck” is exactly the moment where growth happens. I don’t mean pushing through genuine pain, but in staying present with discomfort long enough to discover you’re more capable than you thought. The kids who can do that, invariably get better as athletes. But more importantly they learn something about themselves that can carry over into the rest of their lives.
That’s because most meaningful change in life requires moving through some version of “the suck.” Starting difficult conversations. Being bad when you’re learning something new. Changing old patterns. Building genuine relationships. The discomfort is often the price of admission to the life you actually want. As I work through writing about the basic meaning of the four pillars holding up this newsletter, this one is “challenge.”
Embracing discomfort isn’t about becoming numb to it or suffering. As a runner, I always thought “endurance” was a good thing. But a therapist once told me endurance is not the goal, resilience is. It’s about developing the skill to stay present with difficult sensations long enough to make smart choices. Staying conscious instead of reacting. I fail at this all the time, but I try. And I want to encourage you to do the same.
In my coaching, I’ve noticed that kids who learn to work with discomfort early develop a different relationship with challenges. They’re less likely to quit when things get hard. But even more, they’re excited to see what happens if they keep doing it! They’re more willing to try things that might not work out perfectly. They understand they’re not in danger, they’re at the edge of opportunity.
This week, I would encourage you to try something I learned to do over years of working on myself: let that feeling of difficulty come in and wash over and through you. See if you can identify one area where you’re avoiding difficulty. Maybe it’s a conversation you need to have, or a habit you need to change. Notice your resistance. Feel the discomfort of staying present with the challenge instead of immediately looking for the exit. Chances are you’re going to be like middle school track athletes and you’ll see that it’s going to be OK. And when you do that, you’ll be able to make better choices. It doesn’t matter so much what you do the first time you experience this; this is a habit to build.
I love running and all that it’s given me, but one time to stop running is when you’re running away from the discomfort that stands between you and the person you want to be.
If you think this newsletter would be helpful to someone you know, please share it. If you want to support the newsletter, By Me A Coffee. The next two newsletters will cover the pillars Care and Commit. After that, I’ll explore other topics. Thanks for reading!