I’m coming at you a bit early because I was inspired by recent events. The Seattle Mariners won their first playoff game in almost a quarter century on Sunday, and I was taken by the emotional response so many fans had, including me. And I wanted to share how I handled it (not ideally), and how I will use that experience going forward. I hope it might help other people.
To set the stage for those who may not have watched, it was a pretty intense game. You can see highlights here. After getting a 2-0 lead, the Mariners allowed the Detroit Tigers to tie the game. I watched the live broadcast, and could see tons of cutaway shots of fans standing for the final two innings. Not just a couple of people, but it appeared most of the stadium was standing in anticipation. It felt like everyone was holding their breath.
Then with back-to-back doubles, the Mariners took a 3-2 lead, which held up for the final score. And yes, there IS crying in baseball, as at least one fan’s reaction “went viral.” I really loved his genuine tears of joy, and even more how his partner tenderly responded.
As the game approached the final out, I realized I didn’t want to experience it alone. This wasn’t conscious, I just wanted someone there. So I called my youngest daughter out of her room to see the end.
She watched, but without any context. So when it ended, I started explaining (probably “mansplaining”) to her that it was a “big deal” for Seattle and thousands of fans. And that she would go to school Monday to hear “tons of kids talking about it,” and I wanted her to be able to say she at least saw the end of the game. And then I went on and on about the playoff drought and how this is “meaningful” and yadda yadda. I’m sure she got the message, but after reflecting on it, that was the wrong move on my part.
What I wish I had done is tell her how “I” was having an emotional experience that I wanted to share with her. Instead of “Dad Lecture Mode,” I wish I had simply asked her to come share the experience with me because it would have meant more to me to have her there when it happened. She wouldn’t have needed the lecture. She would have experienced ME in a totally different way, and therefore understood that the win meant a lot.
I’m sharing that because I bristle when people are dismissive of “sportsball,” which is the common pejorative of people who often say they “hate sports.” Are there things related to sports that are unhealthy, misogynistic, and toxic? Yes, there are. And I don’t embrace that. I also don’t insist that anyone like something they don’t want to like.
But I would submit that bashing on sports because you focus only on those negative feelings about it is missing something. It’s missing that there’s a community of people who do feel invested. And it’s a place where, as we saw from the emotions of the fans, they feel free to have a cohesive, positive experience. They support one another. They are sharing something. They feel free to allow emotions to come out in positive ways. Emotions, as I’ve written before, are important and should not be ignored.
I think we should nurture that part of being a sports fan.
I think you can have the positive, supportive community in which men feel okay to allow softer emotions to come out, while also acknowledging that there are unhealthy things that we don’t need and shouldn’t encourage. In fact, I think the more crying in baseball there is, the less of the toxicity we will have. That, to me, is the whole point of the famous “there’s no crying in baseball” scene in the 1992 movie “A League of Their Own.”
So the next time I’m having some feelings well up during a game, I will try to slow down within myself, and ask my daughter to be with me, sharing an experience instead of a lecture.
Full disclosure, I’m a life-long Yankees fan, and I feel no need to defend that choice, despite a lifetime of facing the ire of people who seem to hate Yankees fans as much as they hate the Yankees. But I said at the outset of this season, that I felt we might get a Seattle/San Diego World Series, and I’m glad we’re close to that. Alas, the Padres lost the wildcard round. So, now I’m all aboard a Seattle vs Milwaukee World Series.
Go, Ms! May this city shed more tears this fall.
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