A funny thing happened when I recently ran with the running group I’ve told you about: I ran alone.
That’s exactly the opposite of the intention I had when I decided to join the group for its weekly runs. Here’s what happened: I diligently got to the meetup location at 5:30. One of the two women who organizes the run introduced herself, thinking I was new. I introduced myself and told her I’d attended three previous runs and appreciated the welcome. And while we waited for stragglers, I briefly chatted with a woman who was standing next to me. That was purely an exercise in working on being more outgoing, and I’ll be honest, I don’t remember her name. I just remember she was nice, fairly new to the group, and open enough to speaking to a stranger. But then everyone took off running, and…
…I was alone.
Within just a short time at my usual long, slow run pace, I found myself well out in front of the group.
And at first, I chastised myself. Why show up if you’re just going to run alone? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don’t really run for socialization. I never have.
I run for more personal performance goals. I don’t care about receiving a medal or a ribbon. What matters to me is if I reach the goal I set. And even if I don’t, can I honestly tell myself afterward that I gave it everything I had.
The medals and awards that I have kept over the years are usually connected to an accomplishment that is meaningful only to me, regardless of how well I performed in a particular race. I think this is fodder for a separate post, so I’ll leave it at that for now.
But this is what I realized as I found myself running alone with my own thoughts instead of chatting up new running partners, which was my intent when I left the house.
That doesn’t mean I was wrong about running being an antidote to loneliness. It doesn’t mean the running community isn’t a positive way to combat the pitfalls that boys and men fall into when they’re isolated.
It just means that I need to find people who can support me socially and in exploring my limits. In fact, by understanding myself and my needs, I think I’m more likely to be in relationship with my own emotions, and more open for a better connection with other people when I do find the right situation.
Meanwhile, by going to this running group, I’m still choosing to be around other people (hell, that’s a stretch in and of itself sometimes). And I think there’s a difference between being isolated and choosing solitude when things aren’t quite right.
So, I’ll keep going to this group run while also exploring other group runs, and other ways to improve my social circle. Let me know in the comments if you’ve found isolation when you expected connection (or vice versa). And, if you know someone who might find this newsletter useful, please share it. Don’t forget to subscribe, too, if you haven’t alreaady. Thank you!
